Charlie is a minor human character who, despite his single appearance in a single update in a singular arc, is completely intrinsic to the plot of Satan and Me and most certainly needs an entire page dedicated to him.
Charlie was innocently partaking in a private card game when that slippery-slick bastard Satan decided to barge in and steal everything Charlie held near and dear to him.
Charlie is hands down one of the finest men in Satan and Me. There is barely any competition, in fact the only one who holds a candle to Charlie's god-given looks is Titus. Titus, who is a pure treasure, an absolute beast, a walking god among men. Titus looks amazing on any given day while Charlie sometimes has his bad days. Titus does not have a single bad angle in the comic compared to Charlie, contrary to popular belief. (Titus and his agents have requested that the following sentences concerning his image in updates such as This Angel Is My Business and The New Satan be stricken from the record and not taken into account).
However this page is for Charlie, not Titus, unfortunately, so we'll get back to your scheduled program.
Charlie has soft, rounded cheeks and a somewhat defined jaw, which is pretty cute. His skin tone is a soft beige. His black hair is cut short just above his eyebrows in choppy edges. He used to have long, emo-looking bangs but his mother buzzed his head one night after she could not stand Charlie rolling his eyes at her under his bangs. He's been trying to grow his hair out ever since.
On his cheek under his right eye, he has two distinct moles, where he got his nickname Two-Dots, coined by his college roommate Arby one blurry, acid-tripped evening when Arby couldn't remember Charlie's name during a bad trip and thought his moles were his eyes.
Charlie often wears earthy-toned dress shirts in public because he claims he doesn't want to stand out more than he already does despite being told multiple times by friends that nobody remembers or cares who the Werbemanjensens are, so he really doesn't have to keep a "low profile".
With his dress shirts, he often dons black slacks, sometimes alternating between dark black and dark gray, depending on his mood or whatever is in the washing machine that day. On his feet, you can expect to see a pair of vintage crocs he inherited from his grandfather, Smith Werbemanjensen. Charlie loves and treasures his footwear so much that he wears them to bed, showers with them on, and has even hiked Mount Kilimanjaro with his trusty crocs on his feet.
Charlie is also the only known character of East Asian descent in Satan and Me.
Charlie is a very "slow to warm up" type of guy and doesn't take kindly to strangers. When he was fourteen, he beat up the postman in his neighborhood because he wasn't the same postman that had been bringing mail to his house since he was a child.
Charlie is naturally suspicious and inquisitive. However because he does not possess great deduction and reasoning skills, he finds it very hard to discern what is merely his skepticism from the truth of the matter. Despite this, he still likes to try his hand at cards.
He is also rather sarcastic, having been the child of a theater school dropout and a stand-up comedian. He grew up in a household of passive-aggression, slapstick jokes, and ironic humor, making Charlie a very obnoxious force to be reckoned with.
His upfront manner of questioning peoples' motives and behaviors, paired with blunt sarcasm, leads him to be very unlikable in various social groups. He's been kicked out of several clubs, national honors societies, and jobs because of the forceful and arrogant way he voices his ideas and opinions.
Charlie is much like coffee: you acquire the taste or you never pick it up again. Nobody ever likes coffee on the first try. And either way, you'll always end up shitting your brains out after being around him too long.
A lot of people are confused, and rightfully so, in regard to young Charlie's origin story. There are stories of him floating around about him going to a nice prep school and playing in the park like normal kid, but these are not true, and are often used to tone down the actual facts about his life before he became a emoji-pillow stall vendor. Early in his life, Charlie lived with his parents, a theater school dropout and a stand-up comedian, as part of a travelling theater that went from town to town spreading enjoyment to all the young children and their families. Charlie, or Alphonse, was raised well-mannered and honorable. He would often be seen handing fairy floss to orphans and homeless people free of charge. Then something changed.
The theater troupe was losing customers. Families no longer wished to take their children to see Charlie's father drunkenly reenact Hamlet, and no one was interested in his mother's stand-up, which was apparently riddled with too many spit-takes. This upset Charlie immensely. One day over his dinner of bread and cheese, he turned to his mother and said, “Dearest Mother, tomorrow I shall go to the city, to see why the people no longer wish to come to the theater.”
His mother looked at him grimly and forbid him to ever go near the city. “Wicked and terrible things live there,” She told him. That night, Charlie packed his bag with a few mementos and supplies. After sneaking quietly past his snoring mother who was passed out at the table, he ducked out of the tent and headed off to the city.
Within 5 minutes, Charlie had himself a steady job as a strip mall hawker, a car, and a nice flat overlooking the town. Charlie didn’t mind the view, for it reminded him of when the theater packed up to move on. Now you may find it strange that Charlie at the age of 5 had his drivers' license, but stranger things were afoot. While stopping to fill up gas one day he noticed the price had gone up. This displeased him greatly, and after researching what was going on, he walked from the gas station all the way to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania to kick the Sunoco CEO in the nuts.
Where it not for the countless eye witnesses and television crews covering the story, many would not believe it to be true. Then a mere 3 days later, Charlie arrived back at the gas station carrying behind him a cargo container filled with crude oil that he had received by the Sunoco head honchos in hopes that he would not sue them out of everything they own.
By age 20, Charlie's life had dropped drastically in quality. After his grandfather Smith "Smitty" Werbemanjensen died in a hot air balloon crash earlier that year, Charlie had lost all will to live. Smitty's memorabilia was taken from his estate and sold off to eager buyers. Men and women partook in auctions for Smitty's watches, old banana and orange peels, embroidery art, and his iconic "#1" bubble blowing hat. As a last effort to preserve the Werbemanjensen name from being pounded into the dust, Charlie bought the bubble blower hat for a flat 2.5 million USD. A few hours later after making his purchase, he took a celebratory ride on a double-decker bus. A gust of wind blew by, knocking the hat off Charlie's head and off a bridge, into the churning river below. Disheartened, downtrodden, and swimming in debt, Charlie no longer had the will to keep working as a strip mall hawker. He had a mortgage, no hat, 3 kids, an alcoholic, abusive wife, and an unhealthy addiction to Cuban cigars.
Long gone was the Charlie raised by the theater. He grew bitter, and the ruin that was Charlie left in his wake was an angry young man who would push old people down stairs, punch babies, and started fights with trash bins for looking at him wrong. This dramatic decline in his quality of life also included many stints in rehab with Lindsay Lohan, Nicole Ritchie, and twice with Charlie Sheen. It is also rumored that he was the one that gave Britney Spears her crew cut.
These were some of Charlie's darkest times. He couldn't see a way out. However soon after his failed attempts to start his own space station, Charlie came to what he called his "Awakening".
Waking up one day on the side of the road covered in what looked like half eaten pineapples, broken beer bottles, 16 plucked chickens, and a pounding headache, young Charlie realized it was time to get his life back in order.
What followed was the montage of all montages. In a matter of a few short scenes, Charlie had cured cancer, brought peace to the Middle East, and now spent his days recording and uploading sleight of hand card trick videos that captivated the minds of thousands of subscribers, who probably found his channel by chance after looking up the documentary on him titled Charlie Werbemanjensen: The Modern Icarus. As Charlie's tricks swept across the nation, a seedy gambler who went by the pseudonym Cabbie Hat found his videos on the Internet. He was impressed by Charlie's skills and he could see the boy's potential in being a card player. Cabbie Hat later called Charlie up to pose his offer. Before he knew it, Charlie made his way to Oregon to meet Cabbie, and spent the rest of his days practicing his sport in private venues under Cabbie's guidance. Life it seemed had given Charlie another chance.
During the Run Arc, Satan abandons Natalie to go out and cause a little mayhem in Oregon. In his week apart from Natalie Upon interrupting a private card game on the docks, he ends up talking to the card gang and ultimately scamming Charlie with Titus .
After being sold an inside-out plunger, which Satan claims is a Civil War-era battleaxe, Charlie realizes he's been swindled out of his last five dollars he got for Christmas earlier that year. In a spur of rage, Charlie places a bet with Satan to get his Christmas money back. He claims he can smoke more cigarettes in a row than Satan. If he wins, he gets his five bucks back. Satan wins, he'll get his girlfriend and his leg.
Satan, who was already pissed off because Titus snuck off with the five dollars without splitting it with him, accepts Charlie's bet. Charlie ends up losing after choking for three straight minutes after his eighth Marlboro cigarette. Satan leaves the docks satisfied after breaking Charlies leg and then having him write his girlfriend's number on a slip of paper.